Hiraeth y Vampire - just a few thoughts

So I was thinking today, as I scraped bird shite off the car, what if Milly's ex partner was not in fact a young 20-something Ollie with brown hair, 6'2, cheats on her with some other girl at a house party kinda fuck boy.  What about if he is her lecturer?  What about if they were the ones to start the affair & he's gone back to his wife?  Or maybe she's seen the light, seen him and his wife somewhere & decided to end things?

I'm seeing him everywhere would have more poignance if she had to see him every week for a lecture.  If he was the one trying to rekindle the romance by scheduling regular tutorials (thinking something similar, but less comedic, to Fresh Meat) then this explains trying to miss out on the seminars.

There's also the question of how to tie in the musical score / soundtrack that I'm using to write to at the moment.  Recently discovered November Ultra on TikTok & there is a song called 'The End.' which has such an emotional potency, evokes imagery of lovers saying goodbye, dancing on a train station platform in a light misting of rain.  I'm thinking maybe a small playlist for each chapter?

Unfortunately, as it was pointed out to me last weekend, I am a bit of a hopeless romantic.  I want people to stay together, find their love match and live a lovely life supported by their best friend.  No conflict, only harmony.

However, no happy endings.  In my dissertation I rejected the rom-com & pledged to write characters in a more 'whole' fashion:

I do not wish to belittle women’s writing as I am aware that even the term ‘chick lit’ ‘fits within the historical trend of denigrating the prose romantic and commercial writing by women’ (Harzewski, 2011: 44), so this is a call to all to do better.  I want to see real narratives about real, flawed people.  I want to see people who are fucked up underneath the surface, the struggles people go through and won’t talk about in the light of day.  I think we all need to know that there is not a ‘one-size fits all’ approach to life, whether male or female, and that we can satisfy this need to be seen and heard without preventing anyone else from being seen and heard, too (Gay, 2014: loc. 411).  I need to know that I’m not alone in my experience and that there is no ‘normal’.

What will I do about it, then?  I’ll tell you.  I’ll use this anger and write about it.  I won’t conform to gender stereotypes, or at least I’ll try my damned hardest.  So I leave you with the words of a woman more eloquent than I to explain how we should start together:

“The problem with gender is that it prescribes how we should be rather than recognising how we are.  Imagine how much happier we would be, how much freer to be our true individual selves, if we didn’t have the weight of gender expectations.”  (Adichie, 2014: 32)

So let's have Milly being a victim and a villain - everything is a grey area.  She's done things that make her feel guilty & a bit dirty, but in ways she's been wronged & is just hurting over a broken heart.  Let's have her Ollie - her dissertation supervisor perhaps - as someone a bit impulsive but maybe in a failing marriage & he's acting out.  Everyone is flawed and real, including Ceri.  

Thinking about Ceri whilst re-reading The Twilight Saga I have decided several things:

- No sparkling.  It's nice and all, but not practical when she is also doing day shifts.  We get her looking pasty & pale but nothing a winter in Wales wouldn't explain away.

- No special powers unless having human for dessert.

- No controlling behaviours.  She knows she's attracted to Milly but she's trying to make a friend.  It's lonely to be by yourself for such a long time.

- She is also unwilling for Milly to change.

- No dragging it out for several books & no love triangles with imprinting involved.  No vampire babies.  No werewolves (Wales is crowded enough already with sheep & lambs, no wolves who could hurt them).